The day had finally arrived! I wasn’t excited, it was much more the nervous anticipation of needing to actually go through with this before I was on the other side. The week leading up to this, I prepared as best as possible.

1. Cleaned and vacuumed the house, made sure important items were all within arm’s length
2. Picked up my prescriptions, which included a pain killer, aspirin, and stool softener as the painkiller can cause constipation
3. Packed a bag as I was headed to my mom’s post-surgery since she didn’t have stairs. My most daunting obstacle post-op were the two flights of stairs leading up to my apartment
4. Organized the items I would need day of (brace, crutches, the surgery packet, and a little bag with my glasses/case, ID, insurance card, Chapstick, phone and headphones)
5. Laid out my outfit of a long maxi dress, thin scarf, and sweatshirt, you’ll want to wear loose clothing! No jewelry or valuables
6. Took a shower the night before, making sure to wash my hair really well, as I was in for a couple weeks of sponge baths

My surgery was mid-morning, and for breakfast, I only had a cup of black coffee as outlined in the surgical packet. I drove myself downtown to the hospital, with my mom beside me. Because of Covid I had to go in alone, so we said our good-byes in the lobby. They would call her when I was ready to be picked up. I was checked in on the ground floor and then escorted downstairs into the pre-op area, which was divided up into bays, each containing a bed and a chair. It was nice to see that everything looked new, clean, and sterile. I was told to change out of everything, apart from bottom underwear, and to put on the gown and socks. All my clothes would go into a large plastic bag and travel with me. My crutches and brace were tagged with my name and doctor. A nurse showed up to insert an IV into my right arm. I’m a total wuss when it comes to needles, so needed my phone and headphones to listen to music to help me relax as she did it. She also put on three chest pads and gave me Tylenol per Dr.’s orders.

I asked what would happen next, and the reply was a lot of waiting. I was told to be at the hospital two hours before my procedure and there was still an hour to go. A young man approached me to fill out a survey-they were doing a study on patients’ perceptions of medical costs. It was a nice distraction, and after this, I was determined to stay as calm and upbeat as possible, with the help of my phone. I watched an episode of Scrubs and listened to Jessie Ware, who is my go-to calming soundtrack. Through the half-drawn curtain I could see hospital workers and the occasional Dr. in surgical eyewear walk pass. A man was put into the bay next to me, and there was an anesthesiologist nearby who sounded like he was instructing some students, but otherwise the hospital felt surprisingly peaceful.

About 15 minutes before the scheduled time, my bay became a flurry of activity. The physician’s assistant presented the consent form that outlined the procedures I had discussed with Dr. Weber. I verified that it was accurate and signed. She then went through a few additional medical questions (would I be ok with a blood transfusion? Yes), and marked my left thigh with her initials. She also gave me post-operative instructions and my rehab protocol that would tell the physical therapists exactly what to do.

Next, was the nurse anesthetist. He had torn his ACL twice, so we compared injuries before getting down to the business at hand of knocking your girl out! He asked what I had eaten that morning, and had me show that there wasn’t anything loose in my mouth as a tube would be inserted down my throat (I had read about that and how one person wish they had brought throat lozenges with them, the hospital had some, but I had packed one just in case and didn’t end up needing at all).

I ran to the bathroom once it looked like we were really ready to go, and when I came back two OR nurses appeared. I had to put my glasses and phone away, and it was SHOWTIME. The nurse anesthetist started the IV drip and I was surprised at how quickly it works! Within a few seconds I felt a surge go through my body and needed to get my bearings, then they started pushing me in the bed down the hall. The nurses were very sweet and really hyped me up. We went through a set of double-doors and then a smaller door. I wanted to see what the room was like, but all I could make out was a sea of blue, which in hindsight I think was for the best. The bed was pushed towards the middle of the room, next to what looked like a small metal table. The nurses said to move myself over and lay down. Last thing I remember is leaning back and seeing a light for a split second. Then, BLACKOUT.

I woke up with a jolt, already sitting upright, about 3 hours later and the first thing I did was look down at my left leg. Honestly, I was just relieved to see my leg still attached to my body, bandaged and in the brace. The recovery room nurse walked over, and I started to shake, which he said was due to the anesthesia. After the shaking stopped and I was more collected, he asked if I was in pain. I became aware of the dull ache, and he gave me a cracker and water, and then some Oxycontin. Yay modern medicine and drugs. I had a big bag of ice on my knee as well, under the blanket. The icing was starting immediately! I asked what type of procedure was done, the Dr. had to make THAT decision, and the nurse replied that I had the reconstruction with allograft. My heart sank a little, but I figured it was for the best. I asked to speak with the Dr. so at least I could understand what happened, and they said they would page as he might be in another operation.

As I waited, I realized I had woken up fully being able to see. I thanked the recovery nurse for putting my glasses on and he said it was one of the OR nurses. It’s hard enough waking up from surgery, but as blind as I am, that thoughtful gesture meant a lot. I had to use the bathroom again, and even though I could see the bathroom from my bed, the nurse brought over a commode so I wouldn’t have to walk at all #itsthelittlethings.

My Dr. showed up and he explained that he had tried to do the repair but when he went in through the ligament, it frayed like a mop and he had to switch to the reconstruction. Aside from that, everything went smoothly. I was in the last stage of Grief, ACCEPTANCE, and thanked him for his help. I knew there was a long recovery process ahead of me, (I had my first post-op rehab appointment the next day!) but at least for today the main event was over and I was on the other side!